There’s no doubt the last 18 months have been hectic for me. Between finishing up prereqs for med school, the MCAT, coaching, working, training and applying, I’ve increasingly felt spread too thin. It wasn’t until recently, however, when someone very important to me told me that I’d failed to make them a priority that I realized I need to stop this slide towards chaos before I start med school. I think what hurt most about the comment is that he was right. I don’t prioritize the people in my life well; this was confirmed by my mom who gently shared that she felt the same way.
I’m career driven and not apologetic about that, but it saddens me that people I love dearly feel that they aren’t important to me or getting enough of my energy. Now that I recognize that I haven’t done a great job over the past year, I’m also realizing that I stopped prioritizing myself as well. It’s a bitter pill to realize you’ve been an accidental asshole to people who deserve better, and I’m trying to figure out how to improve on it. Running helps; I solve problems when I run and clear my head so that I can focus on all of my other tasks and on strengthening the relationships in my life.
The other realization I’ve had recently is that I’m distracted a lot of the time both because of all of my commitments and because I spend too much time on my phone and social media. To quell that, I’m taking a social media hiatus and making a rule that if I’m out in public or with a friend, I’m not on my phone. Life is short and I don’t think I’ll look back at the end my life and wish I’d sent more texts. That hiatus includes this blog; in the past, I’ve loved writing about running adventures and stories, but recently it’s felt less joyful and more obligatory, so it’s time for a break.
From now til December, I’ll be dark on here but rest assured out there sharing the roads and trails, screaming for my girls and working on heading into 2013 a more present, grounded person.